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Old 08-29-2013, 12:55 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,245

Chatted more about the whole situation the other night... it ended up way more emotional than I expected, with P evidently getting frustrated that I didn't pick up on his meaning behind certain turns of phrases. I *think* we're okay now, although the three of us will be chatting about this at the next powwow...

What I learned the other night:

When P mentioned wanting us to have space (in the extra bedroom), it wasn't an "extra bedroom" to him - it was OUR SPACE in the house, so he didn't understand why I wouldn't want to "hole up in the bedroom". I found it rude and exclusionary to grab P and run off upstairs in the home he shares with M1 (even though it's "our night"). He didn't understand why we wouldn't spend time in our space and felt rejected when I didn't want to.

Sometimes we can talk, talk, and talk again, and just miss each other's point completely.

So, in his mind, we weren't giving up alone time at all - he was fully expecting us to go up to our space and be alone. I never got that.

Anyway, I'm still suggesting that the next powwow happen on a day that isn't ours, and I'll spend time down there again. I find myself getting into "comparative mode" again, thinking that she gets all this extra time with him when we have the powwows and shared time on "my" days, when I lose out on the alone time. Her gain at my expense. And really, I just need to ask that we even things up a bit now that I've realized I was on the hairy edge of feeling that pinch for a long time.

So I asked. We'll see what comes of it. I've made it clear that because it's not "my" night, there are no expectations of alone time or anything of that sort. I'll be happy to have the "extra" time with him. Especially so, since I haven't been able to drive down and have lunch with him on my off-Fridays for the past couple months. Tomorrow? A field trip with my daughter. It'll be another two weeks before having the chance for that again. So any extra time is a godsend.

They're concerned that I'll have a hard time sleeping alone in that bedroom. I'm not anxious about that at all. When I'm anxious about something I know it (I telegraphed that time thing for a LONG time, and felt pretty uncomfortable with the whole idea of going down there). That just doesn't faze me. I'll bring my kindle if I need something to do with myself.

Onward and upward. Digging through the smelly stuff is hard and uncomfortable, but we most definitely feel better and stronger afterward.

As for the house? More progress on the yard (side yard project may actually be completed this season - wow!), the cellar bulkhead has been patched up enough with some fancy flashing work by P, and now it no longer leaks (wahoo!), so now with the source of the water problem taken care of, it's time to finish clearing things out and get one massive attack going on the mold, rather than doing it in little fits and starts (which isn't working).

Oh, and I found a woodstove on CL in the next town over for $100. Looking forward to reducing my oil bill this winter. <Insert "driving the bus" dance here>

And I had to look up "Twerking" this morning. Just a new name for booty shakin', apparently. Kids these days...
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 15; and PokéGirl, 12), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly.
Xena: Chops' other nesting partner, Poly. Also in a relationship with Shaggy
Noa: Chops' other other partner (heh). Married, Poly.
Shaggy: Poly, in a relationship with Xena
Choplet: Chops' son

External mono/poly blog: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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