View Single Post
Old 02-19-2010, 02:11 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
However I definitely believe that sustaining multiple relationships works best when all relationships involved are healthy and whole. I was approached for dating once by a guy who wanted to date me because his girlfriend "wasn't sexually adventurous enough to satisfy him". My reaction is, "Well if "x" is important to you and you're in a relationship in which your partner isn "x" enough for you, then why are you in the relationship?" We all make compromises in any relationship we enter, but I'm certainly not going to compromise something I find important in one relationship simply because I believe I can find it in another relationship.

(I don't think this is what you were implying, but I think it's an important distinction to make for people who are new to poly)
I definitely don't agree with "wanted to date me because his girlfriend," as in "I would normally be monogamous but she's not enough for me, which causes me to date around" ... but there are some activities/features that I like in a partner which are not deal-breakers if they're missing, and if I'm dating other people anyway, why not try to find someone who does have those features?

Some people will only date people who are "perfect" for them; others are willing to make a lot of compromise in order to have companionship while they wait for "perfect" to come along. I don't believe there's an objective right and a wrong here, just right and wrong for different people. And if you're just seeing someone "for now," then as long as you're not misleading them into thinking it's "going somewhere" then I don't see a problem with it. When I was single, I would date some people who were definitely not long-term material, but what's wrong with enjoying someone's company and mutually satisfying emotional and sexual needs? Again, as long as everything's open and out on the table...
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
Reply With Quote