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Old 02-19-2010, 12:44 AM
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
What I meant was, I think it's important for a person to make sure they have time for a poly relationship before starting one. I.e. make sure you are able to take care of the needs of the people you already love, so that they won't suffer if you take on another relationship. If you're in a situation where your loved ones already wish they could spend more time with you, then (unless they're overly needy, which is a separate issue) you need to make sure you meet that need rather than biting off more than you can chew.
That certainly makes sense. I have come across quite a few people who desire polyamorous relationships because they simply need more attention than one person can give them even in the best of times. I've noticed it's pretty difficult to keep balance if that's a large force at play in the relationship.

But it certainly is true that people can only effectively commit to what they have time to commit to, especially in relationships.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
On the flip side, if you're in a relationship with someone who is "married to their job" with no intention of changing that, and you find yourself developing feelings for someone else, then it's natural to want to act on them. Not as a substitute for what you really want from your first partner, but as a means to a more fulfilling romantic life.
I see what you mean here. However I definitely believe that sustaining multiple relationships works best when all relationships involved are healthy and whole. I was approached for dating once by a guy who wanted to date me because his girlfriend "wasn't sexually adventurous enough to satisfy him". My reaction is, "Well if "x" is important to you and you're in a relationship in which your partner isn "x" enough for you, then why are you in the relationship?" We all make compromises in any relationship we enter, but I'm certainly not going to compromise something I find important in one relationship simply because I believe I can find it in another relationship.

(I don't think this is what you were implying, but I think it's an important distinction to make for people who are new to poly)
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