Originally Posted by london
Your metamour isn't directly and personally involved in your life. Not by default. It's a choice to have that sort of relationship with your metamours,and some people need that to feel secure and in control.
Unless they ARE.
I didn't say anything about metamours I never meet. If I never meet them-who gives a RIP? Certainly not me.
I spoke of people who enter MY space, actual physical space, actually OWNED BY ME. MY home, MY car, MY job.
I never have given a holy hell what the guys do away from me. Now-they may or may not care what I do away from them.
But I DO NOT care what they do away from me.
I DO CARE that when someone is going to be socializing WITH ME PERSONALLY I do not need someone else to monitor my conversations, babysit my emotions (or theirs) and be the telephone for any issues that may arise.
If someone is in MY living room-I do not need to go speak to someone else to deal with them. I will speak to them my own damn self.
I don't feel "more empowered" or "less empowered". I just recognize that unless we speak different languages, I don't need an interpreter.
I trust Maca and GG to chose who is apppropriate for hte kdis to be around while in their care-and vice versa. HOWEVER the THREE OF US all happen to believe personally (before we were together) that if anyone is disrespectful to a parent-they should not be allowed contact with the child. Period.
So if someone is disrespectful to Maca-he doesn't tell me I can't have the kids around that person. I MYSELF tell me-that the kids aren't going to be around that person. (and vice versa the whole circle/triangle).
That was my whole point-it isn't about one of us controlling another. We all happen to have the same viewpoint on the topic. We don't tell each other "this is a rule". The "rule" is personal as individuals-but we happen to all have the same expectations in regards to the children-which is why we are co-parents. We chose co-parents who had the same expectations because none of us likes the drama of dealing with parents who can't agree regarding the kids.
Likewise-all of us HAVE in the past dated randomly. However-we all hated the dramatic nightmare of dealing with the calendar. Now-we socialize and date with people who are willign to socialize with the whole group. If they aren't-that's ok-invitations always open. But we don't go out of our way to go see them. If people want to see us-they can come see us in OUR SOCIAL GROUP. Which means that they WILL meet the metamours and they WILL be involved with the metamours-or they won't be dating us-because in order to date someone-you have to spend time with them and in order to spend time with any one of us-you are going to have to come into our circle. Because, that is where we are.
There's no rule. It's just convenient for us and so we do it that way. IF one of the guys decided to change it up and say "hey won't be home x night each week-going to go do blah blah blah"-
no skin off my back. Whatever. I don't care.