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Old 02-18-2010, 10:16 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
If being poly is about making sure you can get as much attention as possible, then sure, I suppose that's a good approach.

For me, it still seems like a double standard. I look at poly relationships in terms of who I love, not in terms of how space I have in my life for attention.
Oh dear, I certainly didn't mean to imply that polyamory for me is just about getting as much attention as possible. I, too, look at poly relationships in terms of whom I love.

What I meant was, I think it's important for a person to make sure they have time for a poly relationship before starting one. I.e. make sure you are able to take care of the needs of the people you already love, so that they won't suffer if you take on another relationship. If you're in a situation where your loved ones already wish they could spend more time with you, then (unless they're overly needy, which is a separate issue) you need to make sure you meet that need rather than biting off more than you can chew.

On the flip side, if you're in a relationship with someone who is "married to their job" with no intention of changing that, and you find yourself developing feelings for someone else, then it's natural to want to act on them. Not as a substitute for what you really want from your first partner, but as a means to a more fulfilling romantic life.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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