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Old 08-28-2013, 09:26 PM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Grotto's work's getting him down at the moment. His company was taken over by another company awhile ago and the worst of the cultural change is just filtering though now... Sucks to hear him so sad. He's fucking good at his job, but can't stand bullshit. And some of what's happening is just pointless micromanagement. He's violently allergic to that stuff, and his whole mood has gummed up because of it. It's hard to chat with him right now... his emotions keep coming round to thoughts of work, and he goes quiet. Poor dude. Wish I was there to wrap him up. Really feeling for him.

He's considering looking for another job, but I don't know whether things would be much different elsewhere. Seems the scene itself is changing to be this way everywhere.

I gotta stop freaking out about my own work. I keep looking at job ads and noticing how little there are there compared to this city. It's dumb to keep doing that. Ah... I just gotta be patient. Move back there, see how things go. Do my best. Trust that something is likely to come up.

But I fear I'm throwing away a sure thing for an uncertainty. Well, I am, in terms of work.

I've been thinking a bit of having a deadline, for finding work in that city before I look here again?

I know that I'm flourishing here - in all ways - more than I was there. Could be influenced by factors such as having an end date (so I'm appreciating my time here more), having a job, having a new lover who I'm heart-racingly into, the weather being warmer... But I reckon it's the place and the people and how I'm me in it. Quite simply: I've taken to it.

What's difficult is being long-distance from people. I can't be there for them in the same way.

And... I guess they can't be there for me in the same way? I mean, I miss them. I really do.

I'm still so conflicted. I feel by going back I am choosing interdependence over independence. I don't think either is necessarily better, but right now I have to pick one. My past life choices possibly leave me little room but to choose "interdependence". Well. I am still the person that wants that. It's a great ideal to me. But, fuck it, I want both. And obviously, I can have both! It's just a matter of adjusting the apertures...

Moving places for other people is tricky. I can understand why this was a rule for me in the past (not to do this) and now that I've broken the rule, I kinda want it back. Though I don't think I'm making mistakes as such, I feel I'm possibly just learning, growing, admitting? Hmm.
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