There are so many things in this thread that resonant with me. My situation has been similar right down to the OKC envy, my anxieties and the dating mania of my partner. She has been very understanding and helpful to me in terms of throttling back her activities to give me time to process.
There has been some discussion of NRE that I really disagree with, however. I'm don't deny that people may have had bad experiences with NRE but whether it is good or bad depends on the people involved and how they handle it. Truly it is a chemical high but I believe in responsible drug use!
NRE has been a benefit to our primary relationship most of the time. I feel more attractive, sexy and horny towards my primary. We both try to ride the wave, so to speak and benefit from the feelings.
There have been some difficult moments. I went to dinner with my partner and her new bf. They spent the time giggling at each other (for full disclosure, she thinks I was over-reacting) and I felt very left out and excluded. It was not a good evening. I finally said something about taking off so they could enjoy their time together and they changed their behavior for the rest of the dinner. Honestly I could have handled it better. But at least I did say something about how I was feeling and they responded.
Now I am on the other side of the coin at the early stages of new relationship and experiencing the NRE high. But I'm working hard to avoid the pitfalls and enjoy the process with my primary.
My point is that the NRE, like sex, is fun and, used responsibly, benefits everyone involved.
Me, Dino: 58 single straight male
Debra:51, single, straight, sub
Liza:42, single, straight, fwb
Celia: 52, single straight female