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Old 08-28-2013, 11:53 AM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 42
Unhappy Third Wheel Syndrome: my relationship with a married woman

Is there such a thing as communication overload? Should I express my insecurities to my partner, even though they are things that cannot be changed?

Here's the deal: I'm an arm of a V in which the other two are married. Love them both to pieces. My metamour[M] is a fantastic, longtime friend. My partner[F] is unbelievably amazing. Although I never expected to find myself in this situation, here I am. I've fallen, and fallen hard. I never expected to experience jealousy, as it really wasn't a problem for me early on (probably due to NRE). But now, I find myself feeling those horrible twinges... and more often than not, if I'm honest. I think some of it stems from the secrecy surrounding the poly lifestyle. It bothers me knowing that I will never be able to hold my partner's hand in public, or brag about her to my friends and family. For holidays, they have their families.... they get to be together. They have the security and promise of marriage—of eternity. When I think of it in this perspective, I feel hopeless and alone. While my partner has always done a perfect job at making me feel included and wanted, I still hate knowing that I'm secondary... because she consumes me... every thought. I would never want them to separate... ever! But sometimes I find myself wishing that things could be different, and I feel quite selfish. I never thought that I would feel this way. If anything, I should really be so grateful that her husband is okay with our relationship. I feel guilty for my feels.

I generally do a pretty good job at keeping a handle on my emotions. I can recognize the fact that these insecurities are sometimes just part of a poly relationship. I know I must learn to deal with these feelings in an effective way, or else I will make everything that is good about this implode. I know that being open and honest is the key to anything poly. My question is: Should I talk with my partner about things that can't really be changed? Is it okay to tell her my insecurities, even though they are irrational? Or, should I just suck it up, and keep telling myself that I need to get over being in second place?
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