It's been quite a month.
I've learned some things about myself - mainly that I can't compartmentalize, and if one partner is really stressed it affects me too & it will spill over to make me anxious and tense during what would normally be positive time with other partners. I really didn't know I didn't have that ability, it hasn't been tested really before.
It's not like it hasn't been a clusterfuck - both of my other partners are going through separation or divorce, and a metamour passed away. My partner Greg just happens to be the most emotionally projecting person I've ever spent time with, and I tend to be an emotional sponge, so the combination of that with all the loss and grief has been powerful, to say the least. I think the worst concentration of it is over, and luckily Adam and Brian have rolled with it while I've been distracted and not as present as I'd like.
Poly camp was last weekend and I went with Greg. Brian was attending but ended up deciding not to camp since he got down there after dark and the grounds were pitch black. I'm sure there were pros and cons to that. Ended up having a couple of communication issues with Greg, the type with a side of "I assumed" statements thrown in. I don't even know how many people overheard our conversations, but I'm trying not to worry about it. As an introvert all my energy was drained trying to deal with being open and friendly in a campground full of strangers, so I'm not surprised things got stressful. Both issues got talked out, and we each learned more about each other, and a bit more how to ask for the things that aren't intuitive for the other to give.
I'm guessing it's wise for me to not go to poly meet ups, although Adam just mentioned going to a new local one that's popped up, so I might suck it up and try, since he would like my company. I like one on one or small groups, I'm just far too shy when I'm in a crowd of strangers - I'd rather a coffee date with a stranger any day. Glad I went, but I probably wouldn't put myself through that again unless I'd know at least a few other attendees somewhat well. I got to meet a couple of lovely people from here too, although I didn't get a chance to talk with them. Cause I'm a bashful dumbass, le sigh.
I did get to know Greg's other partner a bit which was nice, she's a fucking pistol and cracked me up. I don't know if we'll end up being friends but I wouldn't mind if it worked out that way. I happened to wander across the two of them leaving the cabin they'd been having naked sexy times in, and it was nice that the thoughts that ran through my head were first that I was glad to see them, and then wondering if I was supposed to feel awkward at running into them right after. It's been a long time since I've been in the same place when I had to test that sort of situation, and I'm glad I was still comfortable. I got myself plenty of issues but apparently jealousy still isn't one of them.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.