Ok, first things first... I'm changing Nisha's name. At the time of starting this blog, I thought of a name that had nothing to do with her, keeping her absolutely anonymous. But I don't think that using her nickname is going to give her away. I mean, how many Boosh's are there out there? So from here on end, Nisha is now = to Boosh.
The day before, Boosh and I were having a lovely quiet dinner at home, we relaxed and watched some TV, chatted and kissed. And then just before bedtime, my potential mother-in-law calls and asks about the wedding plans and preparations again. It really upset us that we couldn't simply enjoy a moment any more. We spoke a lot about it after she hung up. We've been pushed and pulled between settling our own issues with each other and getting married. It's been weird! Unnatural.
Boosh said that the idea of the marriage was ruined. It had for me too and I wished her parents would back off a bit. We've wanted to get married for while now and we're working towards it. There wasn't any need to rush things now!
For more than a year now, I've been planning my proposal. It was something that meant so much to me, but was going to take time to orchestrate. I can't tell her what it is, I want it to be a surprise. But with her parents after her and then her after me, and me not being able to pull off this proposal fast enough, doubts began to rise. That perhaps there wasn't any proposal to begin with. That perhaps she was my Plan B. How terrible is it to feel like a Plan B? She is NOT my Plan B! She has been the centre of my universe, my world, she's been my life since we fell in love.
BUT I HAVEN'T SHOWN HER THAT A 100%!
There have been times when I've treated her bad. It usually happens when another woman is involved, because when it's just the two of us, things are perfect. It comes down to NRE and my lack of control over it. We've been thinking that perhaps, even though we agree with being poly in theory, that it might not work for us. I'm too careless and she's too insecure. So for now, we're taking a poly break until we figure out what we want and how to work it.
I feel terrible for making her trust in me waver. But I know, I KNOW, that I love her and care about her and will never stop doing so.
The next morning, I called her mom. I figured if I couldn't tell Boosh, I could tell her parents about my plan and maybe they would understand where I'm coming from and give us the space we need. I was nervous, repeating all the things I wanted to say in my head over and over again, trying to figure out how I could convince her that I do want to marry her daughter. I wasn't getting any closer to anything, so in the end, I stopped thinking about it and just called.
It went wonderfully! I was nervous at first and probably sounded that way on the phone, but it gradually turned into a beautiful conversation that the both of us had. She was so happy that I called, that I told her where I stand and where I want to be. I told her that the proposal I had initially planned was taking too long, that I was going to do a simpler one sooner, that she need not worry, that nothing could make me happier than marrying her daughter and taking care of her for the rest of my life. She told me that she always also wanted a son and that she's so happy to have me as one! She cried a bit on the phone, happy tears. She told me to take my time and that they wouldn't chase us about getting married anymore!
I felt so much better after the conversation! Perhaps I could have called her sooner, but I wasn't ready then. This time though, it felt right. Now it was something that I wanted and not forced into. The conversation made me realise how much I wanted to marry her! Boosh… not mom-in-law.
So Boosh and I can finally put aside the stress of getting married under pressure and talk about us, deal with our issues one at a time. And I've noticed that I can do it calmly, because I know where I want to be. She doesn't know about my conversation with her mom, I think I'll tell her about it just before or after proposing. Which brings me to some exciting news! After a long and crazy hunt, I found the perfect ring, bought it and it's on it's way here right now! I should get it just before our 8th anniversary, the big day! Wow, I can't believe it when I think about it… I'm going to be a husband! And perhaps a father soon! Wow!