R and I are the type to feel disempowered by deferring to our partners to lay down the law with their guests.
And that to me is the issue: the need to maintain the boundaries of other people's relationships in order to feel empowered.
My son regularly meets and spends lots of time with people in his father's life that I haven't ever met. I trust that his father wouldn't allow our son to be around undesirable people and that he will ensure that our son doesn't do anything that I or we particularly disapprove of. His dad and I aren't together anymore but I can still trust him to make sound decisions in their best interests of our child. That's why he is my baby daddy. We regularly have to spend time and even cooperate with people we don't like to achieve a common goal. Me not liking them doesn't make them any less worthy of a place in the team.