Originally Posted by alibabe_muse
. Still learning about this NRE terminology. If one didn't even know this terminology and they do rush to the bedroom, what excuse do they have? Just curious since I am involved with someone which started out purely for sex but the feelings that evolved with this person is what made both hubby and I realize I could love two people and brought us to the path of polyamory.
Thank you LR for your input. Different views help see the bigger overall picture.
NRE is the term used in poly-but the "phenomenon" is well known in the science community. It it often referred to as "chemical love" or chemical romance. If you google that-you should be able to find a number of articles-including several actual peer-reviewed scientific journals on the topic.
I understand that relationships started as "just sex" CAN develop into more.
The kicker is-that sex is fun. It drops a whole Molotov cocktail of "happy drugs" into your system (literally). This makes it REALLY easy to believe that someone is a "great fit" when in fact-they are anything but a great fit for you. But-when the sex is great, it's easy to *temporarily* overlook obvious differences.
Where as-taking time to actually identify legitimate things in common that pertain to the "long haul" increases the liklihood of avoiding the trauma of "falling in love" with the absolutely wrong person for you.
Shrug-have you ever taken statistics?
There's a concept in statistics about type 1 error versus type 2 error. One is an error of thinking something exists that does not. The other is an error of thinking that something does not exist when in fact it does.
It's preferable to miss an opportunity than deal with the fall out of a relationship that is dysfunctional, unhealthy and destructive.
That wasn't ALWAYS the case. Before I had a family to consider, I was all for taking the risks and seeing where the pieces landed. Sex was fun-so who cares if it resulted in a drama afterward? It was *only me* (and them) being hurt.
But now-it's not that simple (it never really was-but I thought it was then). Now there is Maca, GG, Sweet Pea, Sour Pea, Spicy Pea, Little Pea and Cashew who all stand to be directly impacted by drama I bring into the dynamic.
It's almost all of those are children-to make a choice to do something *unnecessary* for my own enjoyment-knowing it's a high probability of creating drama for them.
EVEN IF I DON'T LET THEM MEET MY LOVERS-if I get hurt-it WILL impact them. If I am dealing with drama-it WILL impact them.
As Maca found out the hard way-when he tried to jump into a relationship with a little hottie. She wasn't involved iwth the rest of us. But she created so much strain, drama, tension in the whole COMMUNITY over it-that it was destructive to our whole family AND extended family.
So yeah-I prefer to just take the slow boat to China in building relationships instead of rushing in and going for broke.
Takes a lot longer to get there-but the end result is-I keep them as friends even if we don't end up being lovers or decide to stop being lovers and we avoid all of that bs drama.