Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
And that's perfectly valid. However, it does put you in a completely different situation than LR, who prefers to have friendships with her metamours, and whose partners prefer to bring their other partners home. Your approach of letting your partner be a buffer would never work if your metamours were frequently in your space. Then like with any friend, you would need to stand up for your own self.
Because your and LR's family arrangements and friendship preference are completely different, it's nonsense to make the leap from
to a generalized
To turn it on its head, Maca and GG are metamours and they live together. Obviously that would never happen in your world. But in theirs, it would be ludicrous to expect LR to buffer their interactions.
Exactly! It is TOTALLY not the same when you are dealing with a segregated romance.
For ANY OF US to date someone that had no contact with our group-we would have to give up some of our responsibilities and commitments to children, grandchildren, pets and household. Because-we haven't yet managed to figure out how to be in two different places at one time.
Maca has tried. He hated it.
I didn't try-I did the segregated thing when I was younger and it worked ok because I lived alone with my daughter so I could invite whoever to come over whenever. They need not be around each other. But-I didn't enjoy it.
My friends are friends. My friends friends are often friends of my friends and my other friends friends. My siblings and I are very close and share a large common group of friends. My lovers and I share the same extensive group of friends.
Our home is the "hub" for social life because we have the largest amount of space (inside and out). Social activities are always going on here at home for various birthdays, bbqs, family get togethers ("family" being very loosely defined).
It's COMMON for friends and extended chosen family to wander in unannounced at random times. We've woken up to friends who all happened to appear during the night and decided to socialize with each other while we were asleep.
People wander in and out regularly. Hell-we have several different households who still receive mail here and wander through to check the mail every few days.
There's just not that sort of segregation in our LIVES.
Maca's hunting buddies are his coworkers. His boss is driving my new motorcycle out this week ( I have no license yet). We're meeting my ex brother in law, his new wife and kids at a camping spot in another town (we figured out we happen to be going at the same time so decided to join up) next weekend as well as a neighbor who is already there and took money to pay for our first nights camp spot.
The neighbors are also our eye care specialists.
In a weird sort of way it's like a cross between Little House on the Prairie and Friends.
So yeah-metamours need to be up to dealing with that lifestyle. Cause otherwise, they aren't going to see us. Cause this IS our life. This is how we are. Shrug.
I went to Haelstorm Friday (fucking awesome concert) with my sisters now ex-lover. They've been fwb for 20+ years. They've been having a war the last 8 months. But, he and I have been friends for 25 years. Her take on it-"Oh! That's so cool you two found a band you both like!" (we generally have very different tastes in music).
All summer we had people over for various events-they were both here in attendance.
We don't really do "goodbye" around here. We alter the form of our relationships. But pretty much, if you are in, you are in for life.