Originally Posted by Amnati
However she had always backed away from painful situations in the past as a survival mechanism. So she doesn't know what to do and my pain causing her pain makes her annoyed with me. To the point where she can't help me and leaves me to deal with things on my own.
I don't see how this relationship has lasted even prior to the introduction of polyamoury. You two sound like you have perfectly opposite methods of interacting with the world and are at odds with each other every step of the way.
1. You have a high need for encouragement and support to feel normal.
2. She has no instinct for behaviors which you perceive as encouraging or supportive.
People are calling her names because she's such a big bad wolf; I just see you two forcing a wounded animal (this association) to limp along, bleeding every step of the way. I don't see a bad guy in this situation, just two people who have no business being in a relationship together.