Originally Posted by Confused
I have been going over and over in my head how I would feel if my husband was interested in someone else, and I really feel that this is something I need to work on because I just don't like being this person who is asking something of her partner that she couldn't give back. I've come to the conclusion that if I imagine him being with a really close friend of mine that it doesn't feel half so bad which is interesting. My husband thinks I'm nuts for even thinking about it and tells me he has zero desire to ever be with anyone else, but I think for my own self esteem I need to at least explore these emotions some more.
I can identify with this. We're in the same boat as far as having husbands who work a lot and don't have much extra time/energy for relationships, ours or others. So I sometimes feel hypocritical when I say that I want a girlfriend, but I'm not that comfortable with him having one. Because right now, I feel like he's already spread so thin between work (new job, long hours, extra schmoozing to impress the bosses), his wife (me), and his daughter (teenager from a previous relationship, 2 hour drive out of town) that if he added a girlfriend into the mix, there'd nothing substantial left for anyone. Meanwhile, I have time to sit around playing on Facebook and watching TV while still getting all my schoolwork done early, so I figure that as long as I don't cut into our already scant time, it's not a "double standard." If our situation were to change and he started working shorter hours or closer to home, and he actually expressed a desire for polyamory, then I would be quite willing to work that out when the time comes.
So when you're sitting at home 5/9 nights a week, wanting some love and attention, it's easy to understand where your feelings are coming from of wanting to share your love with someone else while not wanting to share what little time you do get with him.