Thread: I lost my girl
View Single Post
Old 02-18-2010, 09:31 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,435

Oh my, where to start...?

Originally Posted by jillb069 View Post
I was with two girls, one of which I was monogamous with until I came out.
If you were with two girls, then you weren't monogamous. It doesn't count as monogamous if you're just lying about being with someone else...

Originally Posted by jillb069 View Post
I came out by cheating pretty much
Cheating is cheating, not polyamory. I'll assume you mean "came out as polyamorous" but that would require you to be open and honest with your partner before sleeping with some other gal... You're really lucky that mono's a nice guy, because you sure won't get any "there there, you poor thing" support from me...

I started seeing both girls, we'll call them Jealous and Cool.
How about we call them Heartbroken and OtherWoman?

Originally Posted by jillb069 View Post
we came to an agreement to be in an open-relationship.
"I told her that if she wanted to be with me, she would have to accept that I was going to be with other women. She didn't like it, but I was so smooth that she succumbed to my demands."

Originally Posted by jillb069 View Post
I gave her so many chances to come around because I love her so much.
Did your "many chances" include being exclusive with her until she had time to become comfortable with the idea of polyamory, or were your chances just you "allowing" her to feel jealous while tapping your foot waiting for her to "get over it?"

Originally Posted by jillb069 View Post
Then Jealous started calling and texting Cool telling her when she can and cannot see me. Basically she started dictating my relationship with Cool and it was interfering with Cool and I.
I can understand how this would frustrate you.

Originally Posted by jillb069 View Post
So I dumped Jealous, and it just happened to be on Valentines Day.
It never fails to amaze me how many people can be mean enough to do this! Sure, it's a silly holiday, but lots of us chicks take it very seriously, and that's just not cool, man! You really couldn't wait a day or two? You'd already strung her along that far, what's one more day of pretending to care about her feelings??

Originally Posted by jillb069 View Post
She started yelling in my face and became borderline violent. I got control of her by holding her arms down and pushing her slowly towards the door. She started fighting back at me and I started to say "call the police," before this turns into a blood bath. When my brother went to call the cops she grabbed the phone from him and cut him with her nails. Finally we said screw calling the cops and pushed out of the house and bolted the door shut. I am having a hard time dealing with how psycho my friend became. I'm shocked. I had to let her go, now I'm grieving. But I still got my tother girl, I'm thankful for her but I feel like I lost my best friend.
The only thing I will grant you is that she did overreact. It would have been much healthier to get together with her girlfriends and vent about how you hurt her first by cheating on her, then forcing her to let you sleep around, and finally dumping her on Valentine's day because she couldn't wrap her head around the idea.

When a poly person introduces the notion to their monogamous partner, they need to respect their feelings and give them time, while being exclusive to them, to get used to the idea. If it seems like they're never going to come around, then you have a responsibility to end the relationship with them before engaging in another relationship. Failing to do so makes you the same as any other cheater and just isn't cool.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-18-2010 at 04:50 PM.
Reply With Quote