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Old 02-18-2010, 09:01 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Location: Saskatchewan
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Have you and your wife actually worked out the issues that lead up to your trial separation and her moving out? Were they because of Nikki or was she just caught in the cross-fire of a larger issue? Either way, those issues need to be resolved between you and your wife alone before trying to make something successful with a third.

Quote:
Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
Nikki recently moved in with us because her living situation imploded. NOT because it was a "lets move in together step"
My experience has been that this is never a good idea. Moving in with someone magnifies all the problems that have been lurking beneath the surface. All the couples I've known who have been "forced" into living together prematurely have found the pressure too great, and they either broke up, or moved back into separate homes to keep the peace.

What would Nikki do about her living situation if you guys weren't in her life? Staying with you can be a temporary solution while she gets back on her feet but may not be a viable permanent solution to her housing crisis. And if they aren't already clicking, moving in together will only magnify each other's flaws ("I can't stand the way Nikki leaves her hair in the sink" "I'm sick of Wifey always nagging me to clean up my room" etc)

Quote:
Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
Since I am not involved in their relationship currently I try to keep my distance and try not involve myself in any of their relationship dealings.
If you're all living under the same roof, how could you NOT get involved in their relationship?? You love your wife, you love Nikki, and whatever happens between them is going to have an affect on you. If they have a lover's spat, how will wife, to whom you've made a life long commitment, feel if you refuse to support her, for fear of upsetting Nikki?

Quote:
Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
Today I suggested in the best interest of meeting our goal (which is to all be in a "triad" relationship"
Be honest: is this "our goal" or "my goal" ? Has your wife expressed a true desire, FOR HERSELF, to be emotionally involved with Nikki, or is she forcing herself into something in order to please you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
so they could have a time to focus on connecting with each other. Like I said in my previous post My wife and I have a connection Nikki and I have a connection but My wife and Nikki don't.
I don't feel that people can force romance if it's just "not there." If two people are meant to be together, then hell and high water can't keep them apart. I don't see your moving out making any difference in the chemistry between them. Meanwhile, by trying to fall in love with someone she has no connection to, she might be missing out on another woman that could drive her heart wild! Is that really what you want for her, just so you can have this poly version of the white-picket-fence?
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-18-2010 at 09:06 AM.
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