View Single Post
Old 08-27-2013, 12:20 AM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default last night

Last night was amazing with DH & PR. I love being with both of them at once. And DH was so cool he left the room for a bit so PR & I could have some intimate alone time. PR had missed me and missed being with us.

Things are not going in the direction PR had thought they would be with his new girlfriend OM. I worry for him and can only be a friend who is there to listen to him. They have been dating since Aug 12th and met on the 6th (I'd say they've been dating since the 6th but didn't tell anyone until the 12th). PR is a little freaked out by OM in that she already wants him to move in with her, that she told him about having a dream where she had sex with his twin and that she wants more children with him (OM has 2 year old twins & PR has two older kids from his marriage and does not want any more) and she's driving him crazy with being very insecure about who she is (the girl is fine, nice body etc and young) always needing PR to validate her daily (these are his words).

I hope for his sake he figures out what he wants to do. PR kept saying it would be ending soon. This makes me sad because I had really thought PR had found the "one" he had been looking for. I was so happy for him when he told me about OM and that he wanted us to meet her on top of it.

DH told me I interrupted their conversation right at the point when they started talking about us and poly. Interesting how fate, charma, whatever causes those interruptions. After hearing PR talk about his issues with OM, it's probably best any talks of poly, us and PR be done after he figures out what he needs and wants. Those emotions I compartmentalized, if I let them loose, they'd so wish to push more discussion of connection, feelings and poly on PR. But I don't want that. I want PR to come out and say he wants to try this out, actually letting the emotions take over rather than just the sexual encounters we have. If it ever does grow into a more deep relationship, PR will have to be the one to open up that closed box.

The only problem with these two men is they work late and PR can't get here until 11:30 pm at the earliest. We don't actually move to the bedroom right away so it's usually after midnight when we start and our love sessions go for a few hours. I pretty much don't get to fall asleep until 4 or later and am up by 5:30. When we use to meet 2 to 3 times a week, it took 3 weeks to hit me, but hit a wall I did and ended up sick. Funny getting sick from being loved on by two men.

So our three kids do know PR. The oldest actually didn't meet him until the night we went out with PR & OM. Our son really likes him (PR has a son the exact same age). I guess I'm living out those questions I had about children & polyamory. We have not told the oldest and I'm not sure we will. But dang, I hate not telling her anything. I just know when she does find out she'll think we've been lying to her. I guess that will be the fine point of the discussion with her when that day comes. I/we never lied to her, we just never gave her the full on details of our relationship with PR. Seriously, I sometimes think our kids can guilt trip us as much as other adults try to.

All in all, I'm very happy today. Had a great job interview that didn't bat an eye at the rate of pay I want and are having me come back on Thursday to test my skills and abilities. I did forewarn them I'd been out of the industry for over 2 years now, so there's some catch up with tax laws but I should be fine. Now I'm torn. I love that I've been a sahm (with a child care business) these last 7 months. I get time with the youngest I've never experienced with my oldest two (and from Jan to Apr I use to work 60 to 65 hours a week). The choice is being happy, nurturing my youngest and the other two with just being able to be there or to be not so much happy but making good money (again if they offer what I want) that helps our family out a huge amount. And I can't make that decision until they actually offer me the position. My other interview for this week called and said they hired within the company, so no second interview this week. Decisions, decisions, decisions and no point until I know more to make those decisions.

So this part has been bothering me and I so hope I don't do it. I've been reading a lot lately about the spouse left at home wallowing in self-pity etc. The main point I see in those ones is that it's usually the wife (what I don't want to do) who just flat out refuses to buck up and take responsibility for her children. Yes the spouse needs to own their own emotions and ability to function but when the female puts all the financial and child raising responsibility on the spouse left behind, it really makes me super upset. I am glad to see these posts because it's a reminder of what type of individual I don't want to be when I start dating and experiencing NRE.
Reply With Quote