wow...im sorry youre going through this. it sounds like you and your wife really really need to talk, sounds like you need to express your needs and try to have them met. figure out where each person is coming from and go from there. I know having some time as the two of us is crucial to spouse and I, even if some weeks it ends up i see BF more than planned, or we both have lots of plans, we try to not spend more than two nights apart though sometimes it goes to three.
keep on keeping on