Routine changing and developing anxiety issues
I hate to use this as a dumping ground, but that always seems to be the case when you need help the most.
So I have been adjusting over the past several weeks and while I haven't been super happy, I've been feeling mostly myself. Well, then some changes happen. First we were planning on spending a week by ourselves without the little man. We were planning our Virgin trip to burning Man. That fell through, then because of that we couldn't justify or plans for childcare that week.
So now we have all this time on our hands. No, my wife decides she needs to change her sleep schedule to getting up at 4:30 am to exercise and going to bed at 8pm. Then she adds going to work in the evenings when I get back. So, I get maybe half an hour at night to see her now. I can't go exercise with her in the morning because of our little guy (the gym doesn't offer childcare until 8am). To top things off she decides that we each need our own sheets to sleep in and that she doesn't want to be touched while sleeping. This is a new development that she is bringing in from her boyfriend. So the one thing I crave is touch. She has admitted that she can't give it to me. Growing up her family was very hands off and I think she gets all the touching she needs from her boyfriend. I have no one else, she knows this and still can't accommodate. With this new sleeping arrangement I can't cuddle with her at night and we have no overlapping time throughout the course of the week.
I know this may sound like whining, but I had my first anxiety attack on Sunday when she was at work with her expanded hours. I don't know what to do, I'm scared about the next time I'm alone taking care of my son and I don't know how to communicate it with her. The last several times I tried communicating without talking it out I've put my foot in my mouth and driven her away a bit. I can't let that happen again.
I feel like I have been giving so much to let her poly relationship work and I have been getting nothing back except to be her punching bag when something upsets get. I've been feeling unappreciated, a bit used, and now developing some sort of neurosis.
Sorry for the vent.