Originally Posted by london
I agree that it's one's job to tell one's partner(s) where their boundaries lay and when they have been crossed. It's the idea that one should routinely expect to have to maintain those boundaries in other relationships that I wholly disagree with.
May I assume "other relationships" only refers to partners of your partners?
I was referring to all aspects of life: partners, metamours, friends, family, co-workers, the guy staring at you in the supermarket, solicitors coming to the door... Metamours are but one small component of "outside relations."
To me, if having to maintain my boundaries with my metamours becomes a full time job, then there's a bigger problem than "who should be enforcing this?" At that point, the conversation isn't "you need to control your girlfriend," it's "your girlfriend needs to get the fuck out of my life." Since you mention keeping them at a distance, it sounds like you crossed that line before it was drawn.