View Single Post
Old 08-26-2013, 04:56 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,401

Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
I missed the original context of this, LR, but you are coming across as sounding crazy-jealous of any women who want to date Maca.
I completely disagree. That may be your interpretation, but I think she's coming across as a woman who just wants to manage her own life herself.

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
They think it's ANNOYING when people expect that everything needs to go through a third party.
I really wish I'd learned how to do this when my husband's daughter used to visit. She was already a teenager and I knew I was never going to be "like a mother" to her, so I was always timid about telling her what to do in my own house. I felt like I needed to ask my husband to ask her to pick up after herself, or else I'd be perceived as the wicked stepmother. But if I could do that all over again, I'd say fuck it: you're a teenager visiting my house, please hang up your towels and put your dishes in the dishwasher.

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
If I have an issue with one of their friends or coworkers or boss-I call them myself.
OK, it took me a minute to realize that you said if you have an issue with their boss... At first I was imagining a situation where Maca comes home complaining about his boss being a jerk, and you call up the boss and tell him off. Recently, Gralson had some trouble with some bullshit at work. I'm just trying to imagine how much he'd freak the fuck out if I called up his supervisor and stuck my nose into his professional life like that. It would not go over well, let's leave it at that. But I don't think that's at all what you're talking about. If he brought home a coworker who proceeded to wear muddy boots through the house, you can bet your ass I wouldn't sit there waiting for Gralson to do something about it.

Originally Posted by london View Post
I shouldn't need to speak up about a metamour mistreating me, my partner should already be making sure that doesn't happen. I shouldn't need rules to ensure my partner(S) protect and maintain our relationship, that should be something they do naturally. I don't want to babysitting anyone. I don't want to have to speak for my partner, I don't want to have to overrule him, I don't want to have to have his relationships for him.
You don't want to have to speak for your partner... and yet you're saying that you want your partner to speak for you. Curious.

People are not omniscient. Problems could come up that are completely unpredictable. I can't imagine anything more disempowering than needing my husband to speak on my behalf every time there's an issue. Hello 1850s... If an unexpected issue arises between you and your metamour, wouldn't be much simpler to just deal with it yourselves, like two grown-ups? Not only is it more efficient, but it doesn't require that the mutual partner even fully understand the issue. And let's face it: most men will never fully understand the issues that come up between two women.

Originally Posted by london View Post
However, the idea of having to police their other relationships because your partner(s) are unable to maintain those boundaries is undesirable at best.
If you're asking your partner to tell his other partner how to treat you, then you're actually asking your partner to manage the relationship between you and the other partner.

LR isn't policing the relationships between her partners and their other partners. She's policing the relationships between HERSELF and her partners' other partners. And who could possibly be better qualified to police her own relationships than she herself?

At the end of the day, the responsibility to maintain my boundaries is mine and mine alone. I don't expect my partners to spend all their time talking about me and my boundaries. It's my job to tell people where my boundaries are and when they're being crossed. The most I can expect from my partners is to choose other partners who aren't douchebags, so that boundary-crossing will be as infrequent as possible.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
Reply With Quote