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Old 08-25-2013, 06:43 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
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Question discussion, rules etc

I realize for each person there are different parameters of when a potential new love/mate/date meets our current spouse/partner/lover. I've been on okcupid for a bit and have just started talking with a man who is non-monogamous, is accepting that I am poly and (this is a first) has not discussed having sex or asked for pictures. We are just getting to know each other and he wants to meet me.

I wanted to tell dh last night but he had a bad night at work so the timing didn't feel right. But not telling him right away made me feel like I was hiding something even though I was just waiting for the right moment. This morning while he's getting ready for work, I let him know I'd been talking to someone, who isn't looking for a fwb but is actually interested in more, a possible poly relationship. Lesson 1 and a rule now: do not bring up a potential with dh in the mornings, this is when he feels most unsure of this journey (those fears of his).

During the conversation dh asked when he'd get to meet M (okc guy). I didn't know how to respond as I haven't even met him yet. I don't know if there will even be a connection until we meet. And so we are now at a "boundary/rule" moment. DH and I need to figure out when a new interest meets him and vice versa, me. DH's comment was if I didn't want M and him to meet then I'd be secretive about all of it. That's not my intention at all. I want to be completely open and I don't want to feel like I have to hide anything (except from our kids for now) but that comment has me concerned.

So what I am asking is those who have a thought on this: how soon after the first date, if there is a second, do you introduce a potential interest to your current partners? Also, how to convey to M or any potential that part of dh's and I's "boundaries" we need them to meet each other? I'm sure the new person might feel a bit intimidated. Please remember I'm sort of in a in between place. I haven't met M yet, we have talked on okc about a few things but not about us as we both know there might not be a connection. Do I discuss the meeting of dh on the first date?

Thanks in advance for any and all responses.

PS also, when do I tell M about PR? And vice versa, tell PR about M? Is it when I know it will become more than a few dates?

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 08-25-2013 at 06:50 PM.
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