This issue came up for me recently. BF and I live 60 miles apart so we spend a lot of our time texting, and sexting too. For us this is a normal and natural part of our relationship. But it's not something I would do with my husband because our communication is just different. (The sexting part, anyway. TB and I will incorporate sexy/dirty talk into our sex life all the time. Just not in "media".)
BF and I both like to hear sexy details, and we communicate these kinds of things for each other, as sharing fantasies of what we might do if we were together in person. But when faced with the opportunity to give him details about a specific sexual encounter with my husband, I realized that was just outside my comfort zone. What I do with someone in the bedroom is between us. I could give a brief summary, or if asked a specific question, I could answer it (Do you guys have oral sex? Have you done THIS??), but I just didnt want to make it.... salacious...? It wont be presented as an erotica story.
It goes both ways. I would not give TB a blow by blow (ha ha) of what BF and I might do together. It's personal.
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori
Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out