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Old 03-07-2009, 03:03 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by avena333 View Post
We have been married for 10 years and he has always been my rock. Where I am emotional and spontaneous and magical, he is solid and linear and comforting. Part of why I feel safe to venture out into unknown territories is because I feel so certain of my relationship to him and of the topography of that relationship.
So you've been poly during the past ten years and he hasn't? Am I reading that correctly?

Now he is falling in love with someone else. I have met her and I very much understand why, as she elicits feelings of love in me as well, though not the romantic kind. It was hard to get through that first bit because my husband has cheated on me in the past and these issues were the ones brought to the forefront immediately.
You've been free to explore other relationships and he hasn't? I'm not understanding something here--if you've been poly, how can he have cheated?

Furthermore, if you know about this new interest, he's obviously not cheating, so how is this triggering feelings of betrayal as if he were cheating? I'm quite confused.

Of course, it also sounds as if you're confused and that's a more serious problem than me being confused.

Now we have started to wade through these issues and feelings and are also drawing up clear lines about behavior and trust so that everyone can begin to relax.
Well, it sounds as if you've got that under control and are headed in a good direction!

My trouble is in the feelings. I understand some things in my head and even in my spirit, but I have a seemingly constant stream of really really difficult emotions to process. It has only been a week, but my body is weary from adrenaline, lack of sleep, and not much eating. I have turned all my attention to the task of dealing with emotions, and it is very hard.

It is hard to deal with my extreme fear of losing-- myself, my understanding of the way the world works, the way I know of relating to my husband, losing what is normal. I am afraid of the intensity of my emotions as well. I walk around feeling raw, as if I have no skin, and I don't want to make bad decisions or act out of emotion in a way that would destroy what I am trying to build.
Well...stop doing that to yourself! Seriously. How we process our experience is every bit as important as the experience itself. Sadly, we aren't trained to process our experiences in a fully functional fashion as we grow up, so it's hit or miss.

At this point, I'm more interested in how you're processing your experience. Are you seeing images in your head? Are you constantly chattering at yourself? Are you carrying feeling sensations strongly? Creating worst-case scenarios in your head and playing them over and over? How are you processing what's happening?

You've reported onion-like layers, though I'm not certain as to whether you're seeing something with each layer, or talking to yourself with each layer, or what. I can offer things to do that depend on what it is you're seeing/hearing/feeling with the layers.
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