Let me just say that I am honestly not trying to make him jump through hoops at this point its me becoming comfortable with what he has expressed. It has only been a weeks time since he said he has been thinking about dating. Its taking me a little time to adjust. Also this is the first time in 6 years of marriage that he has choosen to be honest with me. Which again is taking some time for me to get use too. I have told him that this is my issue and I need to work it out. There maybe a little part of me that is trying to control the situation but mainly to keep myself from being hurt by him again. This is something that I have to move past and work through. Which is what I am poundering now, how does one move past having their trust shattered repeatedly? Maybe I just need to suck it up, put my big girl panties on and move forward...
Originally Posted by SweetSurrender
I can empathize with this part completely! Nearly ruined my marriage with something similar but it was not as emotionally connected.
That really does surprise me! Not knowing either of you well and of course not having been in a similar real life scenario it almost would seem that she wants to explore her options since you have already done so previously in the relationship. Just this time she won't feel any of the guilt since it is more in the realm of poly based exploration.
I agree with your feelings that this is not quite right. I understand her wanting to have the upper hand on things, after what you have done secretly in the past. This sounds like she is almost controlling the situation to show you how what you want is not really going to happen. If that makes any kind of sense. You are not being childish or immature. If the two of you have decided to expand what will happen in the relationship, it should be at a level that you BOTH feel comfortable. Just sounds like she is the one with all the say and if you argue with her, she will just pull the rug out from you. Taking eight steps back for every two you get ahead is not going to work.
Once again, my complete lack of actual experience in getting anywhere with my own spouse may make me the most useless person to be responding. I am though... and I say again that there is something odd in the water here. I know that though she is outwardly agreeing with your ideas, it seems she goes backwards when it will become reality. That is exactly where I am at the moment. This idea of them trusting us again after the trust is broken and to move forward with actually being able to connect with others is almost a no win situation. I don't know about you but I am actually MORE frustrated because now I am being honest and STILL not allowed to live as I want. It's almost like they are not actually willing to let us be happy even though they continue to say it is what they ultimately want!!! Agh!
Have you asked for a timeline on when she might feel confident enough to allow you to talk/hangout/date other women? What sort of hoops does she still need you to jump through?