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Old 02-17-2010, 03:30 AM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Haha!

I don't know if you ever read this post of mine....it might be worth reading to see if anything can be applied.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=919

You can completely love some one without their participation or even knowledge. It's a matter of getting past the physical methods of sharing that love in my opinion. Once there, anything else like touch is a huge additional gift and avenue to communicate love but not a necessity to be healthy.
I remember reading this previously but I did read it over again as I am in a different state of mind now than I was then. It really struck me again and I do hope that I can bring that little piece inside me to the front to tell me when to stop before it becomes too unhealthy. I think that it has started to try harder, with the "I'm Done" email, but still remains quiet on a day to day basis and whenever Elric pops up in my mind.

I also want to try to get to that point where I don't have/want/need to physically express my love for him, but I think that will come in time and with in person interaction. I think that the more we are around each other without anything sexual happening, the more I will be able to separate the physical and the emotional.

Thank you Mono, as always you seem to know just what I need to hear, whether I want to or not.

Recently Elric and I decided that we both wanted to restart our old "chats" and be friends with "cyber-benefits" and I am ok with that. It has not made me pine after him more than I have been plus I get to express the "physical" desires I have for him in a safe and comfortable way to him. We both know and accept that we have a serious physical attraction for each other and this is how we have decided to try to alleviate those tensions.

On another note, he met a gal over the weekend and that has my emotions all over the board. I knew it would happen sooner or later as he is (to me for sure) a very attractive man. So I get to be his friend and his NRE sounding board, he was still smiling today when we texted...two days later. There relationship is still in the tentative phase, they may have a first date this weekend and who knows. Until he gets into a serious relationship with someone, he and I are alright with continuing to have "chats" which at this point are rare anyways due to his roommate issues.

I want him to be happy with all my heart. I wish I could be the one to make that happen, but I am finally starting to accept that it will not be me. If this gal is the one to do it, I hope he takes it slowly and doesn't rush anything as that lovely NRE makes one wont to do. If she is not, I hope that neither is hurt too badly and that he continues to try to find happiness...even if it is not with me.

I do believe that, most of the time. I just wish it didn't hurt as much.
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