One thing I have learned from all of this... next time I have another relationship (because honestly I feel right being poly and I do need something to let my completely submissive side out) I'm not going to do it with hierarchies.
As to why I don't end it? I love him too much. I want him in my life in whatever way I can have because of how important he is to me. I'm willing to put up with all this stuff that just hurts because those moments I have with him are enough to make me forget them all.
I want things to work. Hell even to the point that what I thought was what I would need as limits aren't. I realized that I just need CLARITY. I need to know that if something is said that yes it's okay that it doesn't then get completely backtracked. I need clear guidelines as to what things are rather than ambiguity (big example: Woodsmith when things started up let me know that he was fine with me cuddling with Seven just not being on his lap and making out with him; Lamian just doesn't want me hanging on him but has never said what that entails so I never know what is going to set her off one day to the next).
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub