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Old 08-23-2013, 01:52 AM
baughb baughb is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 21

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
You were originally the mistress. You said you didn't know he had a wife? (Or is she his girlfriend?) Did you know at the time he had a son?

The wife is still coping with the facts that
  • her husband cheated on her, lied to her, and risked exposing her to anything he picked up without bothering to tell her. (Let me be VERY clear, I'm not saying anything about you--I'm telling you rather what it is to be in her shoes, to have NO idea what you're dealing with or what you've been exposed to because you can't actually believe anything your spouse says)
  • he's still seeing this woman. Again, if you didn't know he had a wife, none of that is your fault, but it's still painful to the cheated-on spouse.

Now, after only four months, you also want to build a relationship with her son.

No, on every level. Especially if she has any clue that your attitude is

It's her child. That's what the "big fucking deal" is. Her offspring. Her son. Another human being who's going to be affected by all this.

Kids are harmed by having a revolving cast of boyfriends/girlfriends in and out of their parents' and thus their own, lives.
He isn't married, and I had no idea he was lying to anyone. I absolutely get that she is dealing with a lot of negative emotions that are associated with me due to the past circumstances. It's a huge topic of discussion with R & I, as I am very much concerned with her stance on the situation.

"what's the big fucking deal" was an OVERsimplification of my though process, and perhaps maybe the wrong choice of words to you; it wasn't meant to downplay the fact that I DO understand the impact surroundings have on children. BUT, as a childless individual, it IS something that is extremely easy to forget think about, simply because I've never had to consider that perspective.

I realize that 4 months is a short time as well. The offer of an activity trip was meant more than anything to be a nice gesture. Yes, I would like at some point to have some kind of relationship with his son too, but it is something I will understand if A is not ok with the idea.

Reading the responsed have helped me to see that asking for opinions WAS a good idea because it has helped me to see the other perspectives I was overlooking.
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