I joined and left one of the polyamory groups on Facebook recently. I like chatting with folks about poly and other types of ethical non-monogamy so it seemed like a good idea.
This particular one encourages people to post pictures on certain days of the week. All well and good. I find pictures of people I don't know boring but I can easily scroll past.
And then the group starts getting many, many women posting pictures of cleavage and sometimes more than cleavage. My FB feed is just full of tits.
I like tits. I have some myself and am very fond of them. I like other people's tits too.
But I joined this group to talk with other poly type people. Hear their stories, tell silly jokes, discuss stuff. Not to see tits. I have a smartphone and the intertubes. I can see tits anytime and anywhere I want.
Anyway, all the tits started people talking in the group - there was pro-boob, anti-boob. Back and forth. I agreed with the idea to put the boob shots in a particular thread so that the not so boob fascinated would not see boobs in their feed on a daily basis. This was the solution that the group leader(s) decided upon.
All well and good. Tits confined, so to speak. If it had ended there, I may have stayed in the group.
There were some who felt attacked and belittled for posting boob shots. No one to my knowledge ever posted anything along the lines of 'Those boobs suck' or 'Those boobs are too small, too big.' No one to my knowledge ever directed their comments to particular owner of a particular set of boobs. It was more along the lines, of 'hey, my feed is blowing up with boobs and I really don't want to see that.' It wasn't personal. It wasn't a 'I don't want to see your saggy ass boobs' but rather a 'I don't want to see boobs here.' But some took it that way, as a criticism of their own boobs.
This made me wonder about if some exhibitionists get hurt if someone doesn't want to see what they are showing. I suspect there may have been some of this going on. Some people said not wanting to see boobs was slut shaming. I'm against slut shaming but I also have a clear idea of what that is. Telling a woman never to show her boobs to anyone, to be ashamed of them, to never take pleasure in them, to fear her body, - that's slut shaming. To ask that a feed not be overwhelmed with random tits is not slut shaming. It's asking for some perspective that not everyone everywhere wants to see tits in all corners of the internet. And the solution did not prevent anyone from showing off or appreciating the goods. Tits could still be posted and seen by just clicking on that thread. I also wondered if the folks getting cheesed off by someone not wanting to see boobs who took it personally were looking for validation of their attractiveness. And when the FB posters instead got some people saying 'I wish that was not on my feed' they heard 'You are ugly' instead. How very sad. I will never know for sure, but I wonder.
However, the assumption by some of the 'pro-boob' posters was that the 'anti-boob' folks were actually anti-sex is what decided me on leaving. I am sex positive. I hate how my society (the US) fears, shames and commercializes sex all at the same time. I believe that as long as consent is given and received, there is very little that is off the table for consenting adults. But sex positive does not mean sexual images or sexual content should be everywhere at all times. The constant snarky comments that the 'anti-boobs' were anti-sex and the apparent inability to understand any other viewpoint got to me after a while.
I could have posted this there - I did consider starting a thread about this topic in the group. But I also decided that I just didn't care about that group. It wasn't worth it to me. So I left.