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Old 08-22-2013, 07:23 AM
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nerdlove060309 nerdlove060309 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Queen Creek, AZ
Posts: 8

Yay! Thanks Fulloflove for following our story! I suppose since I am going to share our journey I should go back 4 years so my relationship can be fully understood.

When J and I first met I was in no place to seriously date and I thought marriage was stupid. At the time I was just having fun not committing to anything. I was spontaneous and would rather be out partying than settling down...partly because the type of relationship I wanted didn't seem like reality. Anyway, I met him April 9, 2009, a Thursday. He would stop by one of my jobs each day just to say hi to me. One of those days we went for lunch and he paid - which was totally weird to me cuz I have always been independent and never had someone pay for things. We had a real date that Sunday and he wanted me to be with him officially, so I said yes - why not right? Well he stayed the night the next day and basically never left after that. We got married June 3rd, 2009. Yes we moved fast but it felt perfect and its been four wonderful years. Of course we had some rocky patches..especially since we have chosen this lifestyle..its definitely not the easiest thing ever, but few things come easy, but loving J is just easy.

Now to fast forward to this new relationship. After reading a few threads I have feared the NRE that is constantly talked about. How does someone differentiate between true feelings of love developing and this NRE which could fade away as fast as it came? Regardless, I am a hopeless romantic and feel this relationship is unlike any of the other triads.

Every relationship moves at its own speed. I read in a different thread that the relationship is only as strong as its weakest partner - in an emotional aspect. With a developed couple its intimidating for the new girlfriend to feel equal. Not that I need to tell anyone here that. No one wants to feel like the third, fourth, fifth, ect., wheel in any relationship. And for us, dating has been cut short because J and I do share such a strong bond.

With that being said...our speed is fast. It was fast when he and I got together and its typically fast when we enter a triad, depending on the person. We talk about what we want and see in the future so that everyone can be on the same page. I'm fully open about everything. For me, its too difficult to invest time and feelings to only come to an end because everyone sees a different future.

Lovely lady E lives an hour away from us and has been staying with us almost every night. So since she doesn't have a vehicle, it has been costly in terms of gas and mileage to pick her up one night and take her to work the next night. J and I share a car so that is also a difficulty. So we mentioned the idea of her just moving in. We talked thru the pros and cons over the course of a few days and she has decided to move in. Yes, its fast, but this is our pace. Its what feels comfortable for us. And her being around us feels comfortable.

We have all been in triads and understand that this is what we want. All of us are "fixers" and do everything and anything to make a relationship work out. As many have heard, marriage is always a work in progress. You can't just quit trying after the vows have been said. Any HEALTHY relationship has a chance as long as everyone involved wants it to work and is willing to compromise and talk thru issues and follow thru with whatever actions were agreed upon.

Tonight we had our first "family meeting" as I call them. A lot has been going on in each one of our lives and it seemed like everyone needed to talk things thru, especially since this is so new. We have already laid our lives out on the table but its good to share things that are stressful and such. J has been sick and has been stressed about his jobs. E has anxiety and has been dealing with her mom not accepting her new happiness. And I had both of them tell me about whats been bothering them so I felt as a family we should work thru these things. It went so well and everyone let the stress go. J is making dinner and E and I are writing about our relationship. She has a tumblr that she has started and I feel comfortable enough to share our story here.
Triad with husband of 4+ years J and new girlfriend lovely lady E
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