I have exactly the opposite problem-regularly!
I had my first child at 16. I've never been an adult who didn't have a child responsibility.
In fact the VERY first time I EVER went anywhere without either a child or a lover in tow-was last summer. It was a HUGE big deal. I flew to the West Coast and drove from Seattle to Victoria, to Vancouver, back to Seattle, down to Sacramento and then met my youngest child and husband and drove back to Seattle and flew home.
It was a HUGE eye opening experience for me to do something ALONE.
So one of the posters here, nycindie, I LOVE reading her posts because she lives such a COMPLETELY different life and it allows me to envision the difference between my life and the life of people who don't have the entanglements I have.
It's always good to reach out and ask "how the @)#$(*#@) does that work" when we don't have experience.
FYI-I totally get you on the pda thing. One thing to keep in mind-I used that example in terms of my kids. But-does this guy actually have friends he goes out and does stuff like that with? Because if not-it would be a mind-altering scenario for the kid.
For us-our kids are very socialized with a large group of close friends who are all "adopted" aunts and uncles to them.
But I have a close friends-she and her husband are both very introverted. Their daughters know us (because I babysat them for years and years) but they really haven't ever seen their parents go out socially with anyone else. So they wouldn't be surprised to see ME with their dad in public. But if they saw him with any other woman-even if it WAS just a friend, even if their was no affection at all-would shock them silent and leave them with a lot of questions. Because that hasn't ever happened (and they are 12 and 9).
Likewise with their mom. If they saw her with me-no biggy. But even if they saw her with Maca or GG that would leave them wondering. Because it just doesn't happen in their world.
Obviously-I don't know the dynamics of your guy.
Of course the other thing is-it may just not be that big of a deal. Wife may come back with saying it's no problem. It could be simply that he's being overly cautious to ensure that SHE knows he's not going to "oops" in terms of "their" common responsibility and rights with the child. Especially since you say he's usually stay at home dad AND she's having some emotional issues with the poly situation.
I know for me-I am ULTRA cautious with Maca for that reason. I'm at home with the kids all of the time AND I'm the poly one. He had some MAJOR struggles with this dynamic for 2.5 years.
I don't even leave them with a babysitter without making sure he's ok with everything.
It's made a HUGE difference. My efforts to be sure he BLATANTLY see's me including him has helped a LOT in calming all of the fears and insecurities that were triggered with the change to poly.
So maybe he's just being extra cautious.