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Old 08-22-2013, 12:50 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Yes-absolutely.

As a parent-that is a family activity in my opinion. Any outing where the kids go is a family activity.
We do allow friends to participate in MANY family outings.
But we also have an agreement that we don't take our kids around new people without checking in with each other first.

More importantly-none of the three of us (we are a V but we are ALL co-parents of the kids) would take the kids anywhere without checking in with each other. Even when I "run to the store" or "go to the gym" with the kids in tow (which is normal) I send a text letting the guys know.

This actually pertains to something I wrote in the threadhttp://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52825.

It wasn't the whole point of the thread (it was a rant) but it does relate.

OUR kids are my kids. They are also Maca's kids. They are also GG's kids. But they are not ONLY my kids or ONLY Maca's kids or ONLY GG's kids. They are ours and that means none of us as an individual has a right to make exclusive decisions without the input of the others.

**obviously in an emergency situation we would do whatever was necessary-but we would make every effort to notify each other asap and continue making that effort**

The "circle" that includes our responsibility is not one that an outside party can join or wander through without the agreement of all three of us.

The poly math and poly tiers explanations that Galagirl regularly posts about address this to a large degree.

Each duo has a right to make the rules for their personal duo relationship. However-whereever there is cross over (romantic or not doesn't matter) the right to making decisions is no longer strictly that of the duo.

If you wanted to do something with Maca-and I had never met you-the kids would not be a part of that. Period. Until GG and I have met you-you won't be free to socialize with our children. This works any which way you flip our names. That doesn't matter.

It isn't about whether or not we trust each other individually. It's about ensuring that the other party (you) fully and completely understands that we as a TRIO are the parents of these children and as a trio we have expectations for these children.

ESPECIALLY in poly circles there are people who seem to think that because they are sexually involved with one of us-that means that they are automatically a good fit for the kids. The answer is-no. No that is not the case. We each have friends who we don't feel are appropriate for our children to socialize with. We each have family members who we don't feel its appropriate for our children to socialize with. I personally do not date anyone who isn't already a fully integrated part of our family. BUT the guys don't hold themselves to that structure-and there have been women they have dated that THEY did not feel were appropriate for our children to be around.

So-in short-yes. Yes I have encountered such a thing. Yes I do subscribe to "family boundaries", "household boundaries", "couple boundaries" and "individual boundaries" which may all be different but pertinent to any given situation.
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