Redpepper, thanks for the input. You being a woman, I value your take on this topic especially so. The wife and I had a long talk last night in which a lot of hard feelings were expressed on both sides. She finally admitted to me that her "anger" was really jealousy, but she didn't want our 3rd to know. Well, of course we all 3 sat down after and had another long talk, addressing the jealousy issue and a few others. In short we are 3 unique people with a 20+ year bond, in a unique situation, at a unique time in our lives (meaning kids are grown and we are on the downside of our careers) so there's not a lot of peripheral baggage to stop us from living this poly lifestyle.
We are all 3 so good, living together, and while neither of the women are bi, my loving them, both together as a family unit. We are all very close friends on top of the love we share for eachother. There is no reason good enough for this not to work out for all 3 of us. I have re-assured my wife on numerous occasions, that she is not losing me. Our 3rd has re-assured her that she is not stealing me away from her. I have made it clear to both of them that I wouldn't be able to function or live the rest of my days content/happy without both of them by my side. So there should be no sense of loss that brings about such strong feelings of jealousy in this relationship.
My wife seems to think it's the empty bed next to her on the nights I'm with our 3rd that draws it out of her. (she has no interest in having her own, 3rd) I don't equate it with being that big a deal since we have frequently gone to bed at different times or travelled on business over the years so the bed was never fully occupied anyway. How do we break these feelings of jealousy? Talking about it doesn't seem to achieve that. Re-assuring doesn't seem to do it. What's next? Any other suggestions anyone's found helpful? Thanks