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Old 08-21-2013, 02:27 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,084
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
I don't necessarily think it's wrong for a person to point out an agreement isn't being upheld, but it's the principle of needing to remind your partner that something is breaking the rules. They should know and they should want to fix that. Them not acknowledging that would make me feel that they need babysitting in their other relationships. Not cool.
Fair enough. They should know and they should want to fix that. But people in an NRE-haze are not always thinking straight. The are in what is essentially a drug-induced state (even if the drug is their own neuro-hormones), sometimes they do need babysitting so they don't hurt themselves (or others) until they "come down." (Often thanking their erstwhile babysitters for not "letting" them do something/make decisions that would have caused harm.) No, it is not cool. But we are all human and subject to our own neurobiology.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
As for the caps thing, I shout words that are in caps in my head. I have no wish to shout at myself so if I see that sort of caps frenzy where someone is obviously responding emotively, I don't even bother. It hurts my brain.
Ah, I can understand not wanting to hurt your brain (I like my brain, it is my friend). At work, I have to endure messages that are ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME (the computers are set to all caps - you actually have to turn it off - most people don't, I do - the next person always resets it) - so I am relatively immune to it by now. I read caps in a situation like this (where they are clearly being used as emphasis) as being in a "strident" tone as opposed to being SHOUTED. (Perhaps because nobody ever shouts at me in real life? Or I would leave the room.) Perhaps you could try reading them out loud and find a tone that says "I really, really want to emphasize this phrase" rather than "I am yelling at you and beating you into submission with the decibel-level"?

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


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