View Single Post
Old 08-21-2013, 01:33 AM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by idealist View Post
My point to you is - don't judge. The good thing about poly is everyone gets to do it the way they want to do it.
I don't think Dag was trashing anyone. She seemed to be trashing the concept of hierarchical classifications of people (primary, secondary, meaningless-ary).

There is a difference between being free from oppression and being free from judgment. This is just criticism of an idea which you personally are in favor of. Criticism in this format is healthy and can promote intellectual growth for all of us. Attempting to discourage someone from calling an idea BS is counter productive.

If my ideas are BS I encourage people to say as much. Granted, I then try to get them to clarify the basis of their opinion so I can decide if I agree with it or not.

Originally Posted by idealist View Post
Secondaries are not less important to me. We just have different roles in each others lives.
All relationships are viewed by the types of encumbrance, pleasures, amount of time shared, etc. If some kind of distinction needs to be made between these relationships it seems to me that it would be better to use words which actually convey this meaning.

If all of your relationships are just as important to you as the others and there is no inherent hierarchical ranking to them - why use hierarchical rankings for them? If the distinction is that you live with one partner, raise kids, etc and see the other one as an intimate loved one (but don't 'partner up' with them) then why rank them? It would seem to be more clear to call one a "life partner" and the other a "boyfriend" or some similar kind of label.

I'm not a big fan of using labels to begin with but I *do* think that if I'm using one it might as well be descriptive of the role they play in my life. At the very least I should avoid using hierarchical terms for them because that just seems cruel.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
Reply With Quote