View Single Post
  #19  
Old 08-20-2013, 11:58 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,262
Default

And-having re-read all of this again-
to sum up my issue;

a relationship doesn't affect me. A person's actions affect me.
I can't talk to "a relationship" about a problem that arises.
I can talk to a person about a concrete action that I want changed.

When we did our marriage counseling, one of the things that counselor really pressed upon us was that we needed to stop with complaining about conceptual issues and deal with the concrete.

So instead of "I feel like you aren't respecting my personal space" to address, "I do not want you in my room. For us to remain in a relationship (of whatever sort) I need to know that you will stay out of my bedroom unless you are invited by me."

This allows the other person to know what the direct and concrete action is that you are looking for. Then they can decide if they want to meet the request or desist in the relationship.

I don't buy the concept that "the relationship" is creating a problem for me. A concrete action by a specific person and whichever person that is, is the person I will address.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote