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Old 08-20-2013, 05:37 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 203

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
That being the case, someone telling me they are an expert for some reason or another is what I generally discount.
Fair enough, and I do the same. Since I never claimed to be an expert this comment however is outside the scope of our current conversation.

What I have done, from time to time, is point out that some of my assertions are backed up by data. I've understood now that you, and some others, find this not to be useful information and if I do this it seems to trigger some issues for some people.

My apologies if this is the case for you, and I've made a note to only provide background data in future if requested. Thank you for your feedback - I've found this conversation most interesting and I share with you the sense of amusement it engenders.

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
For me, it's when a person makes sound assertions with clear and reasonable rationalizations to support them that I actually give their opinions weight.
Here, too, we agree. If I see a consistent pattern of sound assertions then I become curious as to where they have obtained this knowledge, and often delve deeper. Since you often provide trenchant and concise responses to people I would be curious to know more of what has informed your opinions.

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Dag made a point that the "one penis policy" and other controlling rules are the cause of most of these breakdowns.
What I was responding to was her comment:

The reasons why in my opinion so many poly relationship fail can be summed up by "too many cooks spoil the soup."

Too many have people meddling in relationships that are not their own.
I was simply sharing that this is not what I have seen as the direct cause of the failures. However your point:

I maintain that it is a broken sense of how people should relate to each other on a fundamental level which is the problem, not how well they articulate how the other person should behave.
is an excellent one. I do not think we are talking at cross-purposes at all. I have observed the direct cause of the breakdown (the engine blew up) and you are looking for the underlying reason (it wasn't serviced correctly or worse, was poorly designed).

If someone has a controlling style, communicates this clearly, and all the partners agree to it and the relationship style it entails - well, that's their choice. Not my cup of tea, and I certainly agree that creating relationships that free rather than constrict people is much healthier.
Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.

- Tao Te Ching

Last edited by northhome; 08-20-2013 at 05:41 PM.
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