I have two primary loves. I consider both equal even though I live and am married to one going on 10 years. The other doesn't live with us but is just as big a part of our family as any one of us in the main house are. We raise a child together and have other outside loves and relationship dynamics going on... well not Mono,,, as he is mono, but Nerdist and I do.
If I were to be in your situation I would marry both of them in a ceremony that we create. I don't invest much in legal issues when it comes to love. It isn't there business or the churches as far as I'm concerned.
As for family, I personally would invite as you see fit. Invite those that would appreciate the sentiment and joy that you all have. Anyone else would just bring negativity and judgment. You could of course put it out there and let them decide. Provided they come with love in their heart and not hatred.
I'm not a big fan of living together personally. I think that life is stressful when you live together, why add that to a perfectly good relationship just because we think we are suppose to live with those we love. There is nothing I enjoy more than going to my OH (other home) and relaxing with my love (Mono) without laundry, child around, dishes, cleaning, phone ringing, in-laws and family showing up... it's not worth it. I don't get the whole living together is cozy and snuggy family stuff. Family is what you create. It's a mind set that suits those in it. If it isn't working, change it, not because society says so, but because YOU say so... what the hell, you are already making your own boundaries for your unconventional relationship, why force societal laws on that that don't necessarily fit? If they fit great, if they don't change it is my motto.
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