Life can be complicated at times. I am still seeing E, and things are still really awesome and enjoyable. It's hard for me, because the way we interact... it's hard for me to feel like it could just be left in the FWB zone. I really have to think about that. I don't want him out of my life either way, but it would involve some changes in my relationship expectations if that's what it is, and I'd probably start dating again as well.
I just don't know. We were at a party on the weekend and I wound up letting it all out to another Domme who is a friend of his and has become a friend of mine. I decided that even if it wasn't safe, I was comfortable with it getting back to him. She told me that he has been used so badly as a secondary in the past, that maybe he is just feeling skittish. I don't know. I don't want to get my hopes up about that. If this is all it will be, it's still pretty damn good. But the intimacy between us feels like more than that. Maybe it's all in my head.
Which brings me back to square one. I have told him that I would like to set time for us to talk about things. Our conversation was rather brief, and his actions in the meantime have confused me a little. I would prefer him to clarify his own thoughts rather than for me to try and figure it out. I thought that he just wanted things to remain casual, but the way he behaved this past weekend... I don't know. So, let's be explicit and spell it out, before it gets too painful for me to pull back and be okay.
I have been chatting with another male sub, W, who seems like a nice guy and he is clearly interested in me as well. We had one in person date that pretty much lasted all day and the conversation flowed well. We also text quite frequently. If E doesn't want the type of relationship that I do, I will probably begin to pursue things with W.
I think if that happens though, I'll feel weird going to the same BDSM parties where E is, either alone or with another guy. My issues so I'll have to deal with it. Unfortunately, I leave myself wide open when I start to get involved with someone, especially when I trust them enough for kink to be in the mix. Maybe it's not the smartest thing in the world because it's easy to get hurt... but it allows me to be genuinely myself, and hopefully to find someone who will appreciate me for it.
: 33 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
Mark/StbxH, my husband of ten years, now separated for 18 months with no desire of reconciliation.
Henry, 29yrs, my collared submissive, dating for 2 years and cohabitating for 1 year. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son