You seem like you needed to vent
but didn't want to threadjack.
I hope you feel better.
THAT HE DID OR DID NOT do his duty to enlighten her-is THEIR problem.
It is STILL MY RIGHT TO UPHOLD OUR RULES AND EXPECTATIONS in our home, with our kids and in any circle or square that is mine.
IF someone doesn't want me involved that much-they need to keep the little red circle that they share with him-OUT OF MY circles and square.
In the specific -- Is that one lady acting out again and complaining at you that Maca did not make her aware of his other agreements and obligations? Or giving you beef about speaking up about the things that concern you when they leak over on to you and affect you?
You seem like someone's behavior pushed your buttons and you are super frustrated.
In general -- Do I get what you are talking about? Sure. It's the polymath/familymath
thing. What happens in one tier of relationship could affect me another. And if someone's behavior is making itself felt in one of my tiers -- I can speak up and go "Hey! That behavior over there is leaking on to me over here! Could you be willing to stop doing that?" and if they don't, I can remove myself from the line of fire so I don't get new dings from them.
As to your vent? I agree. You don't have to love everyone Maca dates. But just because they date him and he chooses to give them access to Maca?
That doesn't mean they automatically get access to everyone in his life.
That doesn't mean YOU have to play with them automatically. You have your own willingness. Maybe you don't want more than "polite meta" with them.
That doesn't mean you and Maca's kids have to play with them automatically or they automatically get invited to family shindigs. The parents get to choose who the children are exposed to. The hosts invite who gets to come to family shindigs. It's not open invite to the masses. *shrug*
It's not that hard to get -- dating a (married with kids) person like Maca comes with limits. Don't like the limits? Don't date the dude.