View Single Post
Old 08-19-2013, 09:52 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,502

Originally Posted by northhome View Post
The negotiation I refer to is not about trying to find a "middle way" where all concerned are giving up a bit of their happiness to keep the peace. Instead it's more about creating opportunities for growing relationships, both collectively and as individuals, without destroying the fabric that holds the relationship together.
I'm in favor of challenging worldview and growing intellectually. Having honest and emotionally neutral discussion is a good way to do it - in my relationships it is one of the primary things that winds me up (in the best way possible). I would never call that "negotiation".

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by the poetic phrasing "fabric that holds the relationship together" but I suspect this might be what we are disagreeing about.

Originally Posted by northhome View Post
It's all about moving out of the fabled 'comfort zone' and into growth without tipping over into panic. If people can find a way to support each other in this process it often leads to very healthy, vibrant relationships in my own personal and professional experience.
I have to tell you, every time you flash your resume I laugh. I get why you do it, because you want to explain where your opinion is coming from - but arguments from authority are often going to cause problems with people who are aware of the tactic.

As a natural consequence of having frank and clear discussions about opinions and experiences we have a tendency toward expanding our approach to interpreting the world. On that, you and I agree.

What we don't agree on (as far as I can tell) is that this exposure to new ideas and personal expectations breeds some kind of direct change, as if all a person needs to correct their broken thought processes is for someone to clearly and constructively say "that thought process is broken and here is why". It is probably because I find personal growth to be a personal journey - not a group journey. I've heard many really great opinions in my life and most of the time I disregarded it and moved on with my life, only to come back to learn from it years later.

Clear communication is good, but I think it is only a very small part of a relationship between adults... contrary to the current popular belief.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
Reply With Quote