If you envision a circle is any given relationship between two people-and then you start letting those circles around each other.
IF someone is dating Maca-they have a little red circle together.
Maca and I have a little blue circle cause we are dating.
BUT-there are also RESPONSIBILITY SQUARES.
So Maca and I share a square with each of our children in it. In the case of our youngest-GG and I also share a SEPARATE square because she is ACTUALLY his bio child.
As a family-Maca, GG and I share a half a dozen squares that are our shared financial obligations, shared child care obligations, shared household responsiblities etc.
WHEN Maca's little red circle of love wanders into a space where their circle is crossing any circle or square that I am in-
they are now in a space that IS MINE. It is his-but it is ALSO MINE.
Any person **regardless of who they are or are not having sex with**
who steps into one of my circles or squares is subject to dealing with me.
I have the right as an individual to speak up for myself about ANYTHING that happens in my circles or squares that isn't acceptable to me.
I have the right to do that directly (direct communication) TO THE PERSON who is involved in the activity I find unacceptable.
THE FACT THAT SOMEONE DOES NOT HAVE A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ME does NOT remove my right to take care of my needs myself.
It IS best if we as people take it upon ourself to let new people to our lives know the limitations and lines that pop up "hey-just so you know, this child has three parents and you can expect that we all have equal involvement in their care and upbringing and if you are around them you will need to be able to deal with the other two parents as well"
or "hey-you know I like you, would love you to come over. But smoking isn't allowed in our home"
But if someone starts smoking in my home-no I am not going to go talk to my husband and tell him to tell his girlfriend who is standing in front of me with a cigarette to remove it. I'm going to look at HER and say "we don't allow smoking in our home you need to take that outside".
THAT HE DID OR DID NOT do his duty to enlighten her-is THEIR problem.
It is STILL MY RIGHT TO UPHOLD OUR RULES AND EXPECTATIONS in our home, with our kids and in any circle or square that is mine.
IF someone doesn't want me involved that much-they need to keep the little red circle that they share with him-OUT OF MY circles and square.
"Love As Thou Wilt"