Originally Posted by Dagferi
The reasons why in my opinion so many poly relationship fail can be summed up by "too many cooks spoil the soup."
Too many have people meddling in relationships that are not their own.
Based on the research I made into hundreds of poly setups (I wrote a book on poly) this is not quite true - or at least not in Western Europe. Other parts of the world may be different of course.
The main dynamic I saw in the breakdowns I studied was lack of clear agreements (or agreements that were broken) coupled with poor negotiation and communication skills. Add to that the fact that society doesn't generally support poly configurations. External support is difficult to source when things go pear-shaped and many people simply respond with "I told you it would never work" rather than trying to be helpful.
The main underlying cause for breakdowns was very often that people had expectations and/or ideals that did not match with the reality of their situations. But this is quite human, no?