View Single Post
Old 08-19-2013, 09:17 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default This is strange thread for sure

but not in a way I can't put my finger on, as I often think personal experience gives me a different perspective.

To the original post PolyAus, no, not liking your metamour does not mean there is no hope, not so long as you can be adults about it. However living together -- even in your commune has several dwellings -- wouldn't be as easy to make it work if you were practicing the flavor of poly that is more like two separate non-overlapping relationships. People here call it a Vee, and to be honest when the the legs, arms, branches -- whatever you want to call the partners of the hinge (metamours) -- have the least interaction the easier it will be.

If you read around, there are metamours who have been a part of a Vee for quite some time and have yet to meet face to face. For that type of situation it would take some serious effort or a lot of denial to have the not liking your metamour be a problem in your relationship.

Living in a poly-complex housing will require a little more maturity, which requires honesty which yourselves and each other. Due to the emotions of intimate relationships it would likely require weekly, maybe daily -- or possible only monthly -- some time spent in self-reflection. Being human, who are emotional creatures, as we live our daily lives will never be able to always behave 100% honestly and we often justify or rationalize our behavior during the times we are immediately behaving

most people call it living in the now

but with ten or fifteen minutes weekly, in reflection we can see much more truthfully, and on occasion we will be able to recognize when we made a mistake. As after the fact -- in reflection -- we are capable of seeing the truth if we choose to.

If you really don't like your metamour and want to live in the same poly-complex, it will require honesty in reflection and the maturity to promptly admit the times we were out of line.

If you can do that, there is hope in communal living for whatever label or dynamic you choose to practice
Reply With Quote