Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter
I'm sorry, but I have to say this. You invited your ex to move half way across the world with you and the minute that she did, you break up with her and never speak to her again. Don't allow your children to speak her name, or have any photos of her in your home. That is some very cruel and cold kinda fucked up shit if I ever heard it.
We broke up back in March and moved in late June. We never got back together, and it was clear as the day is long that she did not need to move for me or even under the pretences that we would ever be one big family again. I made no promises because day to day I never knew what was going to happen. DH's feelings towards her were clear, too. She knew his endless list of boundaries to ever tolerate poly again. I addressed those on here, too. I think I listed 20 of them. She knew the odds of him backing down and ever allowing her to have contact again were non-existent. He made it crystal clear that poly was never to be part of their lives and that my ex would have no business being involved in parenting or seeing them. None of this was a secret.
No, I do not have pictures of her hanging up in our home. She is my ex and someone that I am no longer in contact with.
She and I were friendly until she confronted my husband in a public place, made a fool of herself, embarrassed us in front of our friends, and the whole truth came out. From that moment on, I decided that she had no place in my life. Perhaps if she had respected our marriage, his role in my life, and kept the dramatics, we would still be friends. That just happened a few weeks ago.
My child turned on her months ago. I have not heard her say her name since Lord knows when? I have asked her about my ex, and I have gotten no response whatsoever. Just silence. She stopped acknowledging her long before all of the recent decisions came about. At no point have we ever flat out told her that she could not see my ex. She never asked us. I mentioned that on here because it struck me as odd.
Our counsellor talked to her. My child told our counsellor that she did not want to see my ex or be around her. Our counsellor asked her why she felt the way she did, and she told her because she hurt her and was taking her mummy away from her. Yes, she started viewing my ex as a threat and blaming her for being the reason I was gone. I am sorry, but my child's feelings deserve to be respected. My child is not forgiving like me. I am not ignoring her to please anyone. Including my ex. It might make me cold, but my child comes first. My ex was informed of this, so it was not hidden from her either.
To respect my marriage and my husband's request, yes, I kept my children away from her. Since we have been here, she has not seen them. My child's feelings have everything to do with that. Could I have went against him? That would not have been too wise considering we are still rebuilding. Would I set out to hurt my child intentionally and force her to be around someone she distrusts? No.
It cannot go both ways. I cannot be told to listen to him on everything else and in the same breath go against him on the very thing he has made clear that he does not want and is not willing to roll over on. My hands were tied.