not arguing with the advice you were given.
But for me-that would be a deal breaker. Sex on the first date would be unacceptable level of risk in my world.
Maca dates others. GG doesn't. I don't because I don't have time.
But we all agree that before sex is an option-the new party has to meet our other partner. Period.
Our MAIN reason is to avoid cowgirls/cowboys. Ensure that they realize we are poly and not just having an affair or looking to find a new playmate before leaving our relationship(s).
But secondary to that is that we have a family and a fuck load of joint responsibilities as a group and anyone who wants to be involved needs to know to what level they are willing/able to be involved. If they want to date with no contact-they aren't going to get a date more than once or twice a month for a couple of hours. THEY deserve to know that up front.
On the otherhand-if they are willing to socialize with the family group-they could potentially see their lover every single day.
I'm a wife, lover, mother-not a live-in babysitter/housekeeper. The guys having another lover doesn't change their responsibility to the kids and the household. They have chores to do and kids to deal with every single day, just like I do. We can alternate and make special arrangements on occasion-but we don't just brush the load off on each other so we can go fuck.
Sometimes-people feel like because we live together-then they should have more "date" times. Whereas we feel like-they have the option of hanging out too-but it's not our "date" times that are in question. We each get 1-2 date nights a week without kids. Those have to be divvied out between our lovers. One for me with Maca and one with GG-I'm out of date nights.
One for Maca with me-and he has one free for someone else.
"Love As Thou Wilt"