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Old 02-15-2010, 11:09 PM
sweetmama sweetmama is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
That's easy..casual sex is not a part of my relationship. It has no place in "my approach " to multi partner relationships.
This has my general philosophy toward sex in general in the past. I知 a lot more relationship oriented and usually connect sex and intimacy. Until very recently I never imagined any relationship in my life might have room for casual sex. But then I知 experiencing (and enoying) all kinds of things that until recently I had never imagined could be part of my life.
Can you explain a little more about your own reasons for making the choice you have?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
What sort of casual sex/nsa encounters are you talking about? Are these more like one night stands with people he doesn't really know or is it more like having a some friends or other people he knows that he plays with from time to time?
Both. He has one (and potentially more) fwb/casual dating friends. He has also had a one night stand with someone he met online. And I imagine there are all number of possibilities in between that he would consider.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Hi SweetMama,

My opinion - 'casual' sex is no different than casual dining

I'm one who happens to believe that sex is 'just sex' and as long as it's kept in that perspective it's a lot easier to talk about where it fits in. It disconnects a lot of emotional reactions that cloud good judgment.
Where a lot of people get into trouble is when they can't disconnect sex & love - then the waters get very murky.

GS
I think my boyfriend is of a similar mind. He can separate sex and love and is comfortable enjoying sex the same way he would any other recreational activity. I can understand this perspective intellectually, but on a gut level sex and emotions are still very connected. So I知 able to understand and respect his sexual encounters with people he is emotionally involved with, but have a hard time making peace with those that are purely recreational.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnydee View Post
Hard to tell from this what you are having an issue with. For instance, does the number worry you because of the exposure/health concerns it raises or are you, deep down, maybe, making a moral judgement about it? Nothing really wrong with that, but it would be worth your notice.

I know, for me, it's absolutely certain that my relationship, whatever it is, with one person, does not devalue my relationship with another. They have nothing to do with each other at all. For me, that's one of the essential elemental truths about being poly. I have found in talking to new polyfolk that once they have experienced that reality for themselves they are more comfortable with the poly relationships of their partners. (In other words, if you get a chance to feel attraction/love/whatever to someone else and can feel that it does not diminish your feeling for your boyfriend, you might feel more comfortable with his relationships.)

This is not to say, of course, that one relationship can't diminish another, but that's a different dynamic and a different discussion.
My concern is not so much about health concerns as I trust that he is making good choices in that area. I suppose there is an element of moral judgement involved. I am still trying to figure out exactly what my underlying beliefs are in that area and why I知 feeling so strongly.
的 have found in talking to new polyfolk that once they have experienced that reality for themselves they are more comfortable with the poly relationships of their partners. (In other words, if you get a chance to feel attraction/love/whatever to someone else and can feel that it does not diminish your feeling for your boyfriend, you might feel more comfortable with his relationships.)
I have not quite made the step towards getting involved with someone other than my boyfriend, although I知 open to the possibility. I do, however, fully accept that it痴 possible to be attracted to and/or love someone without it changing how I feel about my partner. I am totally comfortable with his emotional relationships and the sex they include. It痴 the negative gut level reaction to casual sex that is causing the trouble for me. I know logically that the same principle should apply what he does with one person has no bearing on how he feels about me. But as I think about the list of people he is involved with, and the element of casual sex included in it, I still feel like somehow it makes what we have less meaningful. I知 still not totally clear on those feelings or where they come from. . .the heart of my problem, I guess.


Thanks to everyone for all the great replies!

Last edited by NeonKaos; 02-16-2010 at 01:03 PM. Reason: merge posts
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