Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 08-18-2013, 07:16 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Wow ?...that's putting your money where your mouth is . His reaction ?
His only request was to make it fair, it must go both ways. I have no objections to that because the stakes are equally high now. It will balance it out, and it makes it so that I would not be the only one putting my money where my mouth is.

Have you talked with the family attorney ?.?? Anyone try to talk you out of this ? Not that it's not a nice gesture but you got a 12 yr history the other way .
Yes, we have. Our attorneys said this in mild in comparison to certain agreements they have negotiated on, and they understand why I need to do this. They have husbands who request that their wives maintain a certain weight during the marriage, and if they are in breach of the agreement, they have to pay over x amount. There have been wives who wanted to forbid how much contact mother-in-law dearest had with the family. These are agreements that both parties signed. Ours is pale in comparison.

Our UK attorneys knew about the other relationship, so we had to bring the new ones up to speed. Once they heard the sordid history, I know their wheels were spinning thinking about all the different civil angles he could have hit me from if he had divorced me. These clauses will be protection for both of us. Our attorneys also asked if we wanted a sunset clause. Basically a sunset clause states that after x years, the agreement can be lifted. I do not want that. The only thing I want to do is renew it and modify it annually or bi-annually.

Quite a few people have tried to talk me out of it. "So if you decide you want another relationship, you will have to either risk losing everything, pay him for being the scorned spouse, try to get him to change the agreement, or just divorce?" Pretty much.

The more poly minded individuals who believe it is an orientation/wiring as opposed to my belief of it being more of a want/option/choice for myself, have tried to talk me out of it. At the end of the day, I am doing what is best for me and what feels right. I am confident in this because it is not one person making all the terms, and if there was something I disagreed with, there is no law that says I have to sign it. In that aspect, I am glad that we are taking the time to sit down and negotiate. I know myself, and I need something iron clad to serve as a reminder that what happened before cannot and will not happen again. I have something binding to make sure of that now.

So you discuss this vacation home with your husband/ life partner he's not super sold ....he's more conservative ....his pockets aren't as deep so he says no.
We did discuss it in great detail, and we decided to split the costs. The owner slashed a nice amount off the asking price, so we are buying it. I guess they thought the price was the hesitation point. The price was never an issue, but I am not complaining.

We both presented solid cases when we discussed it. He did independent research and his own inspection of the home. He talked to the realtor and the owners. He priced other homes in the area. I was impressed with the delivery. It was like a debate with counterarguments and all. He was able to present his concerns. Namely that we just bought this house last year, spent a nick chunk on renovations, and still have two other investment properties. Like I pointed out to him, out of all the properties we have, there is only one mortgage (the house we live in now). We were way under budget with the reno. When we finished paying on our London home, we decided to put the money up as if we were still paying on it. In addition to those funds, the rental price per week is the equivalent of one month's mortgage, and thus far, we have had someone renting the home every week since we left. My best friend and her family will be taking up residence in our villa from the last week of August to the first week of November. However much we spend on this new holiday home, will be earned back before the end of the year.

Matt's pockets are deeper than mine. He is frugal. I have no qualms about spending money. He looks at price tags. I find out the amount as the cashier is ringing it up. When it comes to vehicles, he finds incentives and deals. He was able to wheel and deal on his last vehicle. He researched for almost three months. He saved so much that the dealership owed him a cheque after the purchase. He is the more practical one. He will never go broke because money management and financial planing are his niche. If he ever decided to enter the finance world, he would knock it out of the park.

You say fine fuck it I'll do it on my own ya cheap prick ( joking ) ... I see that going 2 ways.... A definant end run ....or great I don't have to pay or deal with it. What was his reaction.
At first, he was like, "You are good." I think he was surprised by my relentlessness and willingness to foot all the costs. Then, it changed to, "Independence is sexy and a turn-on. My lady is a boss and a go-getter. I respect that."

Unfortunately, now he now thinks he has a place to go with those idiotic friends of his. Ha. They are not turning it in to a stag house. Some of his friends could be basis for the characters from The Hangover. Unexplained tattoos, forgotten nights, and just antics galore. He is the sane one of the bunch.

What are the speed laws there ? A freind of mine just got the fx very nice car ....however I don't see this as an either problem ....personally. I have my own little fleet. I got the big suv ... Pickup truck ...vintage convertible ....and a supercharged mini cooper to do pretend racing ....oh yeah and my had/ has sedan luxury car.
The speed laws are very broad because they depend on where you are within the region. In a more rural area, it could be upwards of 110 km/h, whereas in a school zone, it might be 40 km/h. On the freeways, it depends upon the flow of traffic.

Pretend racing? Haha. I like speed, so I prefer cars that are designed for it. My need for speed is why DH is hesitant to ever give me any of his keys.

How many vehicles do you need? I thought we were bad! We have too many vehicles. Four alone belong to DH. One belongs to our nanny. I have an SUV and two cars. It has become an either or thing because I just bought my car. The last payment for my SUV will be taken out this week. The only thing we will have left on it is insurance.

We never wanted more than two notes at a time, and we have stuck to that. Three out of four of his vehicles are paid off. Nanny J's vehicle was bought outright to avoid a note. We have decided to pay off his last few in advance. We are not trying to drag it out until 2014. If we do that, we will only have one note, insurance on the vehicles, and there will be room for another note. I am hoping that he will offer to trade in one of his vehicles and apply the value to the new purchase. I would offer to do it, but the SUV was a push gift from him last year and the other car was a gift from my daddy for completing my fellowship this year. Seeing as how I do not really need another car, I am siding with him on the car issue. We are going to look at a larger SUV. The art of compromise.
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