I know you may not read this but possible others may so I still want to make this post.
Did you really learn anything from what happened? Two of the things I noticed with Matt as his problems with the poly has two aspects.
1) The time away from him and the kids. So you don't have a girlfriend but you are active in 10 charities. That sill really doesn't allow you to be a good wife or mother.
2) Not caring about his input and requests. He doesn't want the beachside house, that is clear as day. But you so so "who cares about him, I'll buy it anyways."
While your ex isn't in the picture anymore you are still seeming to do the same things.
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive